MY BOTOX
SHOT
BY IRA NEWBORN
7/29/03
Gosh! It seems like only yesterday that I was sitting in the waiting
room at a famous teaching hospital waiting for my first Botox shot.
After months of worrying about losing my voice permanently as
it became more and more hoarse and strangulated, I decided to take
the advice of a couple of ENT's I had seen and go to yet another
ENT who specialized in treating the incurable dystonia known as
Spasmodic Dysphonia. With my asymptomatic Acid Reflux kept firmly
in check by months of Prilosec and/or Nexium, I felt ready for the
next step in the search for an effective and safe treatment for
the symptoms of my incurable illness.
After a pleasant 1 1/2 hours listening to the gurgles, coughs,
hacks, retches and gags of the other patients in the crowded waiting
room, I was ushered into a small cubicle with a dentist-type chair
in the center. In less time than it took to read Finnegan's Wake,
a young assistant doctor came in and took a short history of my
complaint and when he was through, told me I would have to undergo
a video laryngoscopic stroboscopy. Not more than 1/2 hour later
I was ushered into another room where a trained Ph.D. in this subject
tried repeatedly to shove a long fat tube with a pistol grip on
one end, down my throat until I gagged both of my socks up. Failing
that, he proceeded to shove a flexible fiber-optic tube UP my nose
and then DOWN my throat unerringly poking my epiglottis until I
gagged my shoes up too. Not much other than gagging was captured
on the video but the doctor came in and with one practiced glance
made the pronouncement, "lotta tension there."
I was then escorted back to the small cubicle where the doctor
and I exchanged a few words along the lines of what I did for a
living, how I was not a suitable candidate for the special surgery
performed for this condition and how Botox injection was the treatment
of choice, it being harmless, well tolerated, low in side effects
and needed to be repeated every 3 months or so. At this point I
wasn't feeling too keen on having a paralytic toxin (no matter HOW
purified it was) injected into my vocal folds so I respectfully
rejected the offer. He then casually said, "Look, why dontcha try
half a dose?" It seemed reasonable and I was there for so long,
I thought, "What the hell. I'll try half-a-dose."
He got up and called out to his nurse (whose name was Ratched,
I think) to make up 2 syringes, each with a half unit of Botox.
Another half an hour or so went by and in came the doctor with
the syringes and two babydocs (interns) who wanted to watch the
procedure.
I sat back in the chair, the doctor lifted my chin, felt around
on my throat for a couple of seconds and stuck the first needle
in to the right of my Adam's apple and almost immediately said,
"OOPS!" and pulled it out.
He then stuck it in again in a slightly different place and injected
the Botox with what seemed to be a considerable amount of what I
imagined was sterile water as a carrier. He quickly did the same
to the left side and after choking for what seemed like 5 minutes,
I could sort of croak, hand signal and breathe enough to answer
him and reassure the frightened interns that I thought I was all
right..maybe.
After recovering a bit and before I left I was informed by Nurse
Ratched, that I could expect to have a "somewhat breathy" voice
for up to 2 weeks before my voice improved and that I might have
trouble swallowing and might tend to choke on foods and especially
liquids for some time.
Three weeks later, still sounding like a Grade B science fiction
movie alien talking through a ring modulator and after 3 weekly
phone calls politely begging Nurse Ratched to tell me when I was
going to have a voice and getting the same, "OHHHHHH Mista Noobawn,
PLEASE be reassured that yaw voice WILL come back. The Docta and
I have been giving BOtox shots faw ovah TEN yeahs and if OWNlee
I could reasSURE you that yaw voice WILL come back........", I began
seeing Dr. Morton Cooper.
When he heard my voice on the phone, it was so grotesque he thought
I was playing a joke on him, however, he suggested I come in. Within
10 minutes or so, even under the influence of the BOTOX, he demonstrated
to me that I still had a normal voice and could recover it. albeit
with hard work and practice.
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